Hot Sauce on Napkins (and Chinatown)

I moved to Chinatown last weekend. Canal street between Elizabeth and Mott. Why have I moved AGAIN this year (yes, three times in 12 months- no, I am not on the lamb). It's a classic story of boy meets girl in restaurant in Gainesville, boy and girl move to NYC, boy and girl break up (but remain the best of friends). Girl moves in with gay boyfriend, gay boyfriend falls in love with, well, gay man, and decide that girl should move so they can create gay love nest.

So that's why I moved to Chinatown. I now live in a lovely loft with with four lovely French people, one is an artist, one is banker, one works for a french airlines, and the last works for one of my favorite fashion houses.

I have already had many long conversations with them about French culture, the differences in dating here in America and dating in France (which apparently there is no word for "dating" in France. You become very intensely and exclusively involved out there is, well, a good roll in the hay!).

I live in what can only be described as a cubby hole. My room is small, but the location, and the roommates make it worth it. I will move into the bigger room in July...

This month has been usually stressful...and exciting. I suppose those two things can go hand and hand. The stress has come at me in waves. I am finding the need to work on my own projects. I like some of the trappings that come with my job (health insurance, good connections in the entertainment world, and free tix to Carnegie Hall, Lincoln Center, The Met), but it is also just a nine to five job, that's routine can run anyone down. I find that I don't mind routine- getting my coffee from the corner store, eating my banana and bagel and reading the paper at my office before my boss comes in (or calls me). But, I also like when the unexpected occurs, when my routine is interrupted by something-exciting, like all of the theatre and tv projects I am working on now, and managing my own artist. There is no room for boredom, there is barely time for sleep.

I am fiercely focused in my professional life, I just need to leave room for enjoyment (and relaxation).

Which brings me to, well, eh-hem- boys.

I was dancing the gay bar G with my friend James. As we danced, we were surrounded by gay men asking me "Girl, what are you doing in this club! You need to be out there letting some straight man buy you a drink- or a house!"

James came to my defense, "if you only new my girl, she needs a night off from straight boys."

James grabbed my hand and sat me down. He said' "Maya, do you know what you want?"

I said "Of course! I am producing Paul's play, I am working on his TV show, I am developing a script with you, I just got K's tour going, things are great at my job..."

James interrupted me, "You know I am talking about Maya...Men."

"You mean 'Boys?'" I said.

"Yes, honey. What do you want from these...Boys?"

"Well...I..." I looked at James looking for the answer.

"Honey, this is what I am talking about, if you don't know what you want, no wonder these poor men are so confused that are coming up in your life right now. They see this fierce women, with all of this power, and you looking at them like...hmmm...what I'm I gonna do with you. You are TOYING with them!"

"I am not!" I looked at James with a smile, "I don't think so, I don't mean too."

"Maya, you need to find a man that is going to hold it down for you, but until you recognize that...well, you are going to keep attracting.."

"Boys" I said.

"Boys honey."

I know its true. James is like my therapist, dance partner, and wise sage all at the same time, he can also bring a whole room to their knees with laughter.

So special.

This past few months, I will admit, there have been a couple of boys, a few man/boys, perhaps a man. I don't know. I am not sure what I want. I do know that I don't want to live with another man again for a long while, I don't want to do their laundry, tell them to take care of themselves. I like lying in my big bed at a diagonal (which I have been doing lately).

I like kissing. I know that. I think I am looking for a good kisser.

Yes, I know, just attracting a good kisser does not me domestic bliss, but it sure make me happy!

I found the BEST kisser this past weekend. The best I have had in quite sometime. Big lips, nice eyes...yummm....

He is a total mess though. As a sat on the couch, he put in the movie bottle rocket, and begain to jump around spastically about how good the soundtrack is (well, it's true). Then I watched him tell stories while he stood up in his living room, he paced the room. It was like he was staring in his own one man show. He does comes from a Hollywood family, he was a model, and now, he is a lost soul.

I total him, that he was a "hearty plant" you know, thrives in the darkness and doesn't need much water. He said, "Yes!!! but I am not a cactus, I need more water then that...but, if I am a cactus, I am a cactus with flowers."

He was really sweet. Dreamy, he is in his own world, it looks like a fun world, you just don't know if you will be invited to play or observe.

The other boys have been fun, but have provided much too much drama, the one from France proved to be to young, the German has proven himself over and over again to be an obstacle course with the occasional land mines, and the Swede, Jesus, has proved to be more of a headache then the rest. That's my fault. I am the one that changed the scope of our relationship. I sat with him last night on the Lower East Side eating pizza he said, "You know why it is hard for us to be just friends Maya?"

"I have know idea, K, why don't you tell me?"

"Because I am like this napkin, plan, simple, safe, nothing threatening, and you" he grabbed a bottle of hot sauce, "are like this hot sauce." He starting shaking the hot sauce all over the napkin.

"There is nothing safe about hot sauce, but it make everything, spicy and taste a bit better."

He was clearly drunk.

And with that, I hugged him, put him in his cab and walked back to my house, walking past the Manhattan bridge, down Canal street...thinking about hot sauce.