My So Called Life

(my beautiful friend Hauke)

Ama, Kat, Kelly, Karen and I loved the show "My So Called Life" in college.

I suppose because it held so many little warm moments that were romantic in simplistic ways. Like when Jorden held Angela's hand for the first time in the hallway, or when Angela would run and smile like she felt so free (or in love), or Brian's many awkward moments trying to express his heart to Angela and it coming out all wrong.

It's funny that living in a city like New York, you would think that those romantic simplistic moments wouldn't exsist here because everything is so fast paced, crowded, and overwhelming.

Like auditioning for a part in a play, people audition each other for relationships here in NYC. If you aren't quite what the other person had in mind you generally get a, "don't call us we'll call you" look. Dating for some can be brutal here.

Even with all that, I have found those simplistic romantic moments happen to me more then I ever would have thought possible.

I have these moments where I jump on the subway with a smile that spreads over my face so large that I can tell the other passengers want to know what special secret I am holding. Some of them smile back. Believe it or not, other New Yorkers rejoice in seeing others so happy.

Virgine (my landlord, roommate, friend) believes I should keep those special moments to myself otherwise it takes the power of that moment away from yourself. In a way- I agree with her. But sometimes, there are times I want all my friends to have a peep in what's going on behind the curtain of my life in New York.

I want you to know about me sharing ice cream on the couch with someone special at 2am; or walking around Chelesa at 3am hand and hand with someone; or visting a friend you haven't seen in a while- feeling the intensity of his stare asking, "How have you been? I have missed you."

As adults, I thought those moments of innocence would be gone, left only to my childhood. I was wrong about that. There are many moments of the unexpected: a soft voice saying your name back to you, a hand that reaches out to you unexpectedly, or looking at an old friend with new eyes.